"Barefoot Bill's" Funny Page!
This struck my funny bone... I hope
it strikes yours. It was sent to me by
Chuck Walker. If you have items like this that
you'd like to submit - send me an email.
Chalk one up for the Old Guys
A white haired man
walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday,
with a beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he
said.
The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an
outstanding ring priced at $5,000.
"I don't think you understand ...
I want something very unique," he said.
At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock
from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would
take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by check, but of course the bank would want
to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write
a check
and you can phone the bank tomorrow,
then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."
Monday morning a very pissed off jeweler phones the
man.
" You bastard, you lied there's no money in that
account."
"I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I
had. "
At a gift shop, a customer asked about some
jewelry. "And what is this necklace made of?"
"Alligator teeth," said the clerk.
"Why is it more expensive than that pearl necklace
over there?"
"Well, anyone can open an oyster..." |
Q. What did the diamond
ring say as it crossed the road?
A. I'm not as cheap as a
chicken!
The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman
went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The
portrait,
a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what
she wanted:
"You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles,
you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes,
the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole
on my cheek, they all stay....BUT on my hands you put
lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright
jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and
diamonds. Do you understand?"
The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she
should want such detail of real life in her physical
appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry.
She replied: "When I die my husband will re-marry.
The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the
jewels".
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